Hostile Questions: James Dashner
Posted by: Daniel Kraus
It’s easy to be hostile to James Dashner. Dude is ubiquitous. You walk into a book store? The Maze Runner and its sequels stacked floor to ceiling! You walk into a library? Maze Runner-centered posters and displays! You walk around Hollywood? Fevered scuttlebutt regarding the upcoming movie! You go into a restaurant? Maze Runner-brand cutlery! You go into the DMV? Maze Runner-emblazoned license plates! You end up in prison? Maze Runner-inspired shivs!
Now he releases a prequel, The Kill Order. Okay, that’s it. Monopoly isn’t good for humanity, Mr. Dashner! Good thing I have a spare minute to set you straight. *cracks knuckles*
A simple, ordinary man, not so much “handsome” as “interesting-looking,” not so much “smart” as “not that dumb,” not so much a “game-changer” as a “TV-watcher.” That’s me.
Where do you get off?
The same place I got on. Oh yeah, I just blew your mind.
What’s the big idea?
Theory of Relativity? Big Bang? Cancellation of Jersey Shore?
What is your problem, man?
I’ll tell you what my problem is! Body odor. (Yours, not mine.)
Haven’t you done enough already?
They just came out with taco shells made from Doritos. There’s always something more to do.